Who are you? Who, who? Who, who? I really wanna know. (The Who)
Kevin Lomax: What are you?
John Milton: Oh, I have so many names…
Kevin Lomax: Satan.
John Milton: Call me Dad
(Devil’s Advocate)
Okay, maybe Satan isn’t one of my, or Mr M’s, known identities but we all have multiple identities.
Most blogs you come across, the author will state that they are mother/father, brother/sister, friend etc. We are defined by our titles and our experiences. The party girl, the footy guy, lover, fighter… you get the picture.
Last weekend my two oldest friends and I were reminiscing about the stupid crap we got up to when we were younger. Mr M was listening to us chat away while keeping a watchful eye on our collective children to see if they were listening to our conversations.
There were seven kids in total aged 10 and under. So they probably don’t need to hear how one night I was inebriated when I got home and couldn’t get in the house. Keys and keyholes were a bit tricky. So in my short skirt and high heels I climbed over the garden bed and knocked on my sister’s window pleading with her to open the door for me. Well my sister was annoyed that I woke her so she just pushed open her window and told me to climb in because she wasn’t getting out of bed. So there I was with my bum in the air trying to climb in without breaking a bone.
Hopefully my children won’t read this until they are older. And little darlings if you are reading this, then please take this as a cautionary tale. You don’t need to get drunk….really.
But my point is my children have no idea of the party going chick that I was in my early 20’s. Or the rebellious, antagonistic teenager I was.
They know me as a stereotypical mum. I’m manager of the household and the one they defer to when there is a crisis; like a missing sock. I am the one trying to teach them how to behave, toe the line, respect, for rules and others.
I teach them about self control, (read: no need to get drunk)
My best friends see me as the partner in crime and therefore will not judge any stupid decision made cause we’ve all made them.
The rest of my friends see me as an opinionated extrovert.
My mum sees me as the baby of her brood who was bright but one that gave her the most grief.
My ex-bosses presumably liked me. They hired me.
The parents I see in the school playground? Well we’re all a bit sensible now aren’t we?
My husband sees me as his intellectual equal and strongest supporter.
And then there’s me. There are days when I look in the mirror and think ‘no-one knows me at all’. Not like I do. There are thoughts and things I’ve done that are only for me.
My daughter is 10 now and it was around her age that I started to feel separate from my parents. My own person, with my own thoughts and my own actions. The separation from my parents was apparent to me. I wasn’t an extension of them anymore. I didn’t need them to form an opinion. But I kept that revelation to myself.
But if truth be told, I can’t reveal every little bit of myself. I do worry what people might think, or I already know what people will think so there’s not need to even go there.
Mostly it’s for me to be able to escape in my world, my thoughts. When the roles I play all day everyday get too much I retreat into my parallel universe, if you will, and reassess, re-energise.
Who am I? A mother, a sister, a daughter, a wife, an aunt, a niece, a cousin, a friend, a confidante, a believer, a doubter, a worker, a lefty, a debater, a reader, a student, a teacher, an overthinker, a hard bitch, a softie, a loner, a crowd pleaser, a cryer, a writer, a thinker, a complicated chick.
I’ll let you, the readers of the blog, to make your own assessment of who I am.
Related post
We Are The Sum Of Our Total Parts
Haha I really wouldn’t call you opinionated since I’ve heard you develop and analyze new opinions over the course of a discussion – opinionated people always seem to have the right opinion from the outset 😛 I find yours (and Mr. M’s, of course) opinions fairly unique and refreshing amongst my adult acquaintances – you’re probably the maturest person I know who still remembers how to be a kid 🙂
Hey Warren,
Here’s a bit of psych babble. I’m still a kid cause I was the youngest of all my cousins and sometimes am looked upon as such. So sometimes I feel like I’m still fighting the establishment but then I realise I am the establishment now. Ha!
As for my opinionated self, well I was far more opinionated as you describe and then I went to uni and realised there is so much more to learn about I really only know a small amount.
Thanks for the visit.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Mmmm, let others assess who you are ? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of what you wrote ? ; P
Seriously though, have to agree with Warren .
Hi Robbie,
Umm, well what I meant was that the readers of the blog are going to know me and define my by their own terms, in how they relate to me.
I mean I’m not in control of that. Some may say I can make them think, some may say that I am very similar to them, some may say I talk out of my bum. All of these descriptions are probably very accurate 😛
Thanks for the visit.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
You’re way more than an intellectual equal and supporter.
And the one thing you do best is to continually underestimate your worth, which never ceases to amaze me. And before you jump on the defensive, I mean that completely and utterly as a compliment.
The list you give above barely scratches the surface.
Soooo much more I could say on this topic, but for the moment I’ll agree with what Enzo said; “The list you give above barely scratches the surface”. None of us are defined by the titles we are given – one day I may be known as a mother, but that doesn’t mean I’m not that person now, or that I will suddenly grow another aspect of personality once I give birth. We cannot let ourselves be defined by our roles in other peoples lives or they will begin to govern how WE define ourselves. As you said there is always so much more to our sense of self than that, and we have to carry that sense of self into every role of our lives.
We’re awfully in tune lately. Im feeling this.
Lovely post. Shows how we can be different people at different times of our life.
I look in the mirror some days and think that no-one knows me at all too. I am fascinated though how we all perceive ourselves to be. Lovely reading your post, Maria. x
Really enjoyed reading this too Maria. There are thoughts and things I’ve done that are only for me too x